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I Grieve – Peter Gabriel
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Adam Benjamin Clark May 19, 1977 – September 27, 1983


Adam was labeled as being disabled, but he was so much more than

Cornelia de Lange Syndrome, the condition with which he was born.

I had hope he would survive and be my forever child, but Adam died.

The coroner, police officers, prosecuting attorneys, state appointed psychologists, social workers, Child Protective Services, Adam’s father, his sitter, and a grand jury accused me of murder.

I was supposed to be innocent until proven guilty.

Initially, it didn’t work that way for me.

I couldn’t prove I was innocent.

My nine-year-old daughter struggled to survive after she was ripped out of my arms.

She was given to her father, the husband who used to abuse me.

I was powerless to help her from being destroyed by the lies.

Chronic grief, panic, and fear became migraines and PTSD.

What is true is that life isn’t like what is often taught in church,

or school,  or what is seen on TV.

Chaos doesn’t discriminate between the evil and the naïve.

(Photo courtesy of anger grief blog)

I would love to hear from you. If you have lost a child, if you have been falsely accused, If you are presently in or have recently escaped a controlling relationship or religious cult with a culture of misogyny or abuse, you are not alone. I would love to hear from you. Please leave your e-mail address and share your story. Courteous, constructive comments are welcome. All will be monitored before publishing.

Did you bury a child?

Was your child murdered?

Do you feel no one understands?


2 Responses to “LIVING WITH PTSD”

  • Martha:

    Hi I am so sorry for you , my 34 year old only child (son) was murdered 2yrs ago by a so called old school friend .I am still very broken,this guy stabbed my son10 Times after. Inviting him to stay with him .my son drove 24 hours to be able to work things out with his wife who took the kids from Florida without him or us knowing my son has 4 young kids , the killer had a wife and 2 young boys ,he was commitent to stand trial 3 times he only got involuntary manslaughter.10-15 yrs ! We got the life sentence.I cry everyday don’t sleep , no meds ,phychatrist ,nothing is helping ,it’s the worst thing I Wii ever go thru . my prayers are with you,God bless you.

  • Joyce:

    My prayers are with you, Martha. There is nothing worse than the death of a child by violence. The grief, shock, and sorrow never ends. There is no ‘resolution.’ There is only time and with time, hopefully, comes distance. I hope you find some peace. It helps when the guilty party is found guilty, but not much. You, the grieving parent, receive a longer than life sentence. There will be no end to it. Every anniversary, every birthday, every holiday, every passing moment will be a reminder of what and who you no longer have in your life. Have you looked up an organization called Parents of Murdered Children (POMC)? Please do. I attend on a regular basis and now facilitate a small group. Meeting with other parents of murdered children helps me to know I am not alone. And you, Martha, are not alone.

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